A Moose Attacked a Woman on the Lower East Side

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And by the way, not to be too nitpicky, but that's not even a moose. It's a caribou, duh. Photo: nydn.com

On October 4, 32-year-old Raina Kumra was enjoying just another night on the Lower East Side. She was hanging out at the bar at White Slab Palace, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she was attacked by a moose. It was a dead moose, whose head had been stuffed and mounted on the wall, but she suffered a concussion and chronic neck pain from the incident, and it felt like an attack. So she's suing the owners of the bar for being "grossly careless" in their hanging of the taxidermied head.

What startled us most about this story was not that Kumra claims the head weighed 150 pounds (they mount taxidermy flesh on polyurethane or wire, not on iron), but that this exact thing has happened to one of your Daily Intel editors.

It's true! When Intel Chris was 6 years old in Maine, he was innocently petting a giant mounted moose head on the wall of his parents' basement when the whole thing fell on him. One of the antlers tore open his scalp, and to this day he has an inch-and-a-half scar that becomes ever-more visible as his hairline recedes bit by bit. He did not sue his parents (even though they clearly had only affixed it to the wall with fishing twine and Blu-Tack™), but he does have a piece of advice for Miss Kumra, who complained to the Daily News that "it was the bar's fault" that she was "injured and in an embarrassing way." Girl, you have got to own this. You can't be embarrassed that you were clobbered by a giant moose head on the Lower East Side. That is, like, the best story ever. Intel Chris was already entertaining high-society cocktail parties with his experience by the time he was 7. Seriously, nobody has a Manhattan Moose Attack story! Don't be ashamed, be delighted!

Duck, Duck, Moose! [NYDN]