Goldman Sachs Will Pay For Ruining Ice Skating, Hot Chocolate, Christmas

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Last Saturday, a pane from the new Goldman Sachs building in Battery Park City crashed into the ground and shattered into a million pieces. Fortunately, no one was injured, although we suppose that it's possible someone was, and the body was quickly disposed of by the U.S. government. But the accident sure messed up a lot of people's days, according to the Tribeca Tribune. Which is just so typical of Goldman, the locals say, to have such little consideration for others.

For starters, countless taxpayers were inconvenienced, and the opening of a skating rink was delayed, which very likely made children cry and also left a lot of hardworking Americans with a slice of unexpected leisure time.


Aside from mucking up traffic and startling nearby residents, Saturday’s accident also thwarted the opening of Battery Park City’s first ice skating rink, originally set for 10 a.m. that morning. The rink is installed in the Battery Park City ball fields, just a few hundred feet from the tower.

“It shut us down all day Saturday,” said Glen Danischewsky, the rink’s on-site manager. “We were basically in a holding pattern until they deemed the area safe.”

They were just forced to sit around all day, shooting the shit, whereupon they came to the conclusion that, frankly, someone should pay for this outrageous turn of events. And who better than the deep-pocketed organization that caused the problem, maybe not on purpose but through sheer negligence, because what does CEO Lloyd Blankfein think, he's too good to show up in a hard hat and supervise the construction of his own building? So they got in touch with Goldman Sachs, which agreed to fork over the dough to everyone who asked for it, because what's it to them?


Goldman Sachs has offered to compensate Danischewsky for the lost revenue at the skating rink, as well as a local café owner who had planned to sell pastries and hot drinks at the rink on opening day.

Seeing this, the Battery Park City Committee grew angry. They wondered where their compensation was, for the pain and suffering and the crick they had in their necks from looking up at the broken window. And so they, too, made a demand. But they didn't just want Lloyd Blankfein's pocket change, they wanted justice.


Given the frequency of the accidents at the company’s new headquarters, committee member Jeff Mihok said Goldman Sachs ought to be doing even more to support the neighborhood, like sponsoring discount passes at the skating rink for Battery Park City residents.

“This is where we live, and this is where [they] have built your huge building,” Mihok said. “It’s what a good neighbor would do, given the number of things we’ve had to put up with from [their] organization.”

By "things" we're pretty sure he means the T-A-R-P and the A-I-G, though he doesn't want to have to spell it out. Not yet, anyway, but we'll see what happens if Goldman doesn't pay up.

Crack Seen 2 Weeks Before Glass Fell from Goldman Sachs Tower [Tribeca Tribune]