Hasn’t Gossip Girl Ever Heard of a Whispered Aside?

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"Tiger Woods texted you, too?"
"Tiger Woods texted you, too?" Photo: Giovanni Rufino / The CW

This week's episode, "The Treasure of Serena Madre" (did that title make anyone else think of Legends of the Hidden Temple? Just curious), was so full of fabulous secrets and lies that we'll forgive the CW for airing it a week after Thanksgiving. You had a lot to say about the fashion choices, specifically Lily and Maureen's matching coats (lame), the flannel (overload), and Serena's catsuit (a fitting contribution to Skank Week 2009). Also, many of you plan on saying "your sweet potatoes are bland" the next time you want to insult someone. Your best comments are below, brought to you this week by mplsgirl.

Realer Than Needing a Sledgehammer to Get Through to Serena
• Someone should introduce Grandma Cece and Grandpa Van der Bilt. They would be the ultimate power couple. Maybe kind of like Blair & Chuck in 50 years. Plus 50 if this ever happens. —BLAIR215

• That dinner table scene was like Tiger Wood's slow moving car crash being rewound and replayed over and over again. Cece had the golf clubs. Plus 20. —KDOW3

Plus 40 for Lily Having Yet Another Secret, and thank god for it being so much more than “I love my mom and wanted to spend more time with her.” I was about to vomit in my mouth after I heard that. —SUENUE

• The Waldorfs are bringing smoked salmon! they really are jews! plus 8. —MISERABLE

• That reveal scene during dinner was the best Thanksgiving deluge of secrets since the Friends episode from way back when - "Phoebe, I think Jacques Cousteau is dead...Rachel, no you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle...Monica, we kind of figured about the porch swing." Plus 50. —WANNABEWALDORF

• Only Eric can hatch a sinister plot whilst eating pumpkin pie. Plus 5. —BEJEWELED

Plus 5 for Rufus turning Bart's office into a mope parlor for his curdled rock n roll dreams. There's no way the co-op board would let him wail on his guitars or play loud music. He probably sits in there and cries. —ARUNDEL

Plus 5 for "Tripp's eyes dilating weirdly.” It has to be a Van der Bilt thing. Nate's mom had the exact same issue with her eyes when the Captain was bottoming out. Nate probably manages to avoid the affliction with a bowl and a bong. —WANNABEUES

• Cece and Rufus have such a good time sitting together at Thanksgiving that no one bothers to revisit that pesky "Cece paid Lily not to marry Rufus back in the day" thing, the "Cece faked cancer to make Serena go to Cotillion" thing, OR that "Cece told Rufus about the lovechild less than a year ago" thing. The holidays (and the gin) really do bring family closer. Bygones! Plus 4. —PURPLEANDGREEN

• Jenny: “I’ve lost my appetite”
Blair: “And I want pie”
Awww…the anorexic and the bulimic, two generations of Constance Queens with eating disorders. Plus 20 for a Thanksgiving tradition. —NURSELUVBASS

• I like to think that Josh Schwartz was throwing in those OC references for those of us who miss it. S-Fucks-up-Thanksgiving is no Chrismukkah, but it will do as the holiday of choice for this show. Plus 5. —ANNIE_IN_NY

• Nate was a whirlwind of emotions tonight. I'm impressed. Plus 3. —CBASSLUV

• I couldn't tell if Blair was trying to trick her mom into admitting she was pregnant, or to just kill the baby by forcing her to drink wine and eat unpasturized cheese. Plus 5 if it was the latter. —LEAH3T

Plus 3 for CeCe because clearly secrets and gin are doing that old lady good. She was glowing! —COWT

Faker Than Lily Not Having Her Own Safe
• Dan and I had the same look on our faces when Vanessa walked in to announce she was staying for Thanksgiving. His was caused by a combination of unrequited love and apprehension. Mine was caused by surprise (Vanessa brought her own blanket for the weekend?), and horror (she's wearing it as a coat!). Minus 3, if the Humphrey similarities continue i might end up in plaid. —HOOKEDONBASS

• Also, minus 5 for Serena beginning an affair with someone who is about to move. Because, seriously, Serena is not the long distance relationship type. She has the attention span of a goldfish. —CHIYORK

• Why is Nate giving advice to Dan about Vanessa? Just last Thanksgiving, HE was dating Vanessa. These people switch partners with one another and somehow never have the awkward "hey, we've both slept with you" moment at their weekly gatherings. Minus 5. —JNP1013

Minus 5 for the 5 inches Trip grew during the elevator scene with Serena. Is it really so hard to find men her own size to date in all of New York? —SPARKLE17

• Vanessa's mom attended a Thanksgiving dinner without asking for a moment of silence in remembrance of the Native Americans. That is Annoying Hippie Behavior 101. For shame Abrams. Minus 3. —TWINSFINDME

Minus 50 for Lily keeping an incriminating letter in the safe that her children know the combination to. Did she learn nothing about secrecy during her marriage to Bart Bass? —FASHIONRAT

• Scratch H1N1, the most dangerous virus around now is the HMPLD, also known as Humphrey Plaid Syndrome. Unfortunately, Nate and Eric already are too far gone, after having endangered poor Chuck Bass due to his proximity to the two. Ladies, though, do not fear: judging by the virus pattern, it looks like it may spread only among the xy chromosome bearers. Minus 20, even only in case Chuck doesn't catch it. —AWAKEBEAUTY

• I literally laughed out loud when Gabrielle and V stood side-by-side at the dinner party, in all their Target splendor. Would a hippie, liberal, earth-witch like Gabrielle wear such hideous faux bling? Minus 1 because, no, she would wear hideous organic bling, and Birkenstocks. —HAPPY_LOOKER

• Tom Colicchio lives in the West Village. Minus 5. —DIGNELL

• In the first scene we see Blair, her tights are awkwardly and very noticeably twisted. This really bothered me at first, but on further reflection, minus only 1; part of me thinks it’s almost believable that Blair has such implicit faith in her own sartorial magnificence that she has no use for mirrors. —VANLAN

• Serena and Tripp only make out in the elevator!?! What is this, middle school? You know it can't be that hard to get in her pants. Although, perhaps Tripp was worried about his helmet being damaged, so minus only 1. —TRICKYDICKY

Minus 50 Points since we will never see Cyrus again. Moving to Paris is an excuse to get him and Eleanor off the show. Maybe Pop Pop Van Der Woodsen will be as cool or cooler than Cyrus. But Plus 25 Points since this secures the fact we will never see Aaron Rose again.. —ISGOODATMATH

• As far as I know, no socialite or rich woman would ever use a coat again in the presence (let alone in the house) of a woman who has exactly the same coat and has avoided the awkward moment (the day before...) by doing the classical: "Nice coat" comment. Minus 20. —MICHELE22

Earlier: Gossip Girl’s Heart Pumps Secrets and Gin
Related: Vulture interviews Aaron Tveit, a.k.a. Tripp Van der Bilt!