Madonna Chooses Choos

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Madonna told Jimmy Choo that "buying a pair of [his] shoes is more satisfying than having sex with a man. At least you know they are going to last forever!" Somewhere, Jesus Luz is cringing. Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, and Guy Ritchie celebrated the Sherlock Holmes premiere at Alice Tully Hall, while Ashley Greene and Jessica Szohr put on their best sultry faces for the cameras. Within earshot of Harvey Weinstein, Sienna Miller casually mentioned that she'd love another shot at Broadway. And Brangelina wants to add another baby to its brood, but Pitt's Castaway-style beard may hinder its conception.

Jaimee Grubbs, Tiger Woods's favorite texting buddy, is making good use of her recent fame by posing for Maxim. Elin Nordegren, meanwhile, is consulting with longtime divorce guru Sorrell Trope, the legal mind behind the breakups of Nicole Kidman, Nicolas Cage, Hugh Grant, Cary Grant, and Britney Spears. And Tiger's been golfing alone at night, following "counseling and therapy." And Michael Phelps can relate. In The Death of American Virtue, law professor and author Ken Gormley claims that Bill Clinton had an affair with Susan McDougal, the Arkansas woman he pardoned after eighteen months in prison. The White House misspelled the Chinese premier's name in a press release. A Pennsylvania judge banned Jon Gosselin from keeping guns at home, and we wonder why this didn't happen earlier.

Former Beatrice Inn owner Paul Sevigny is teaming with Rose Bar's Nur Kahn to launch a new hangout for the shuttered locale's displaced hipsters, eyeing both Civetta in Nolita and Soho's Puck Building. The Cooper Square Hotel's Table 8 is closing after less than a year, and Scarpetta's Scott Conant is eyeing the space. Turns out the cyclist Anne Hathaway hit with her car on Wednesday was a paparazzo, which makes sense. Ivanka Trump lunched on salmon at Bagatelle, and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen hung out outside the West Village's Sant Ambroeus on Wednesday night. And Oliver Stone is in contract to buy a $1.9 million flat in One Morton Square, where Daniel Radcliffe, Amy Poehler, Will Arnett, and Mike Meyers also reside.

Tom Brady is glad Gisele's pregnancy is over. New York Jets wide receiver Braylon Edwards fathered America's Next Top Model contestant Nik Pace's baby, and now she's suing him for $70,000 a month in child support. Kevin Jonas is marrying a former hairdresser from New Jersey in a "secret" ceremony tomorrow. Speaking of brothers, James Franco's younger brother gives us reason to start watching Scrubs, and the Wayans brothers' former assistant is suing them for stealing his literary masterpiece, 101 Ways to Know You're a Golddigger.