Here’s a depressing picture: Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer in the world, playing golf alone at night on a course near his home in order to avoid prying eyes. That’s what he does to keep himself calm, according to Us Weekly. He’s also changed his phone number so friends can no longer call him — like Charles Barkley, who’s dealt with his own affair stories, and who for some reason keeps talking to the media about how he wants to get Tiger on the phone. The golf great is not even watching sports on TV, according to the London Sun. He sits around his apartment, alone, watching cartoons and eating cereal.
See how they did that? They just reported a story about how Tiger Woods is doing these things alone, in privacy, and not talking to anyone about it. Someone saw him playing golf, but watching cartoons and eating cereal in his own secluded, heavily guarded house? It’s tabloid telepathy at work! (If we were making up this story, we’d at least guess he was watching Girls Gone Wild. We mean, come on.)