Alec Baldwin Thinks He’s Fat

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Photo: Universal Pictures

Despite paying $100,000 to get Sarah Palin's face on its current issue's cover, In Touch only sold about half as many copies as it did when Brittany Murphy was on the cover. Murphy's mother, meanwhile, insists that her daughter died of natural causes, and that most of the prescription drugs found in her medicine cabinet, including Topomax, Fluoxetine, Ativan, Vicoprofen, Propranolol, Hydrocodone, and miscellaneous vitamins, actually belonged to her husband. And after gushing to People that she's "beyond obsessed" with plastic surgery, Heidi Montag notes that she is not addicted to nips and tucks, clarifying, "If I were addicted, I would have had 10 plastic surgeries." Having nothing to do with the fact that he's dating Madonna, Jesus Luz landed a big modeling gig; he strutted his stuff during São Paolo Fashion Week for sportswear label Ellus. While skipping out on the Golden Globes to ski in Banff, Alec Baldwin griped about how he has to lose fifteen pounds.

The talent manager who discovered Britney Spears is now working with Jersey Shore's Pauly D, who's asking for $7,000 per gig. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, meanwhile, narrowly averted an altercation at Greenhouse when a female partygoer reached over to touch Pauly D and accidentally knocked off her hat, dangerously messing with Snooki's "pouf." But Miss Polizzi ignored the drama by getting cozy with some dude in the corner, tweeting, "it was not a random brajole - it was VINNYS COUSIN thanks. i keep it in the jerz shore fam- no creepers allowed." "Bootylicious" is being added to the Oxford English Dictionary. Scarlett Johansson rocked a fedora from the VIP balcony at Vampire Weekend's Webster Hall performance. Adrien Brody partied among "tatted hipsters" at Avenue, celebrating Inked magazine's anniversary. And James Franco schmoozed with Bjork at the Cinema Society's screening of Howl, then asked to be put in touch with Agyness Deyn.

While exiting 1Oak, A-Rod's chauffeured black Denali got pulled over by a cop. Brad Pitt, with Maddox in tow, chatted up Patricia Clarkson at Sunday's Saints game. Chinese censors are banning Avatar from theaters, claiming that its success is taking business away from their own films. This happens conveniently before China's biggest movie of the year, Confucius, opens tomorrow. Martha Stewart demonstrated her best on-air pole-dancing abilities. Alan Cumming practiced his downward dog at Astor Place's David Barton Gym. Flashing a suspicious scar at a pre–Golden Globes party, LiLo's BFFs think she's cutting herself again, but Dina was too busy partying with her to notice. And John Mayer tells Rolling Stone that he's "the asshole" for breaking up with Jennifer Aniston, adding, "all I want to do now is fuck the girls I've already fucked, because I can't fathom explaining myself to somebody who can't believe I'd be interested in them."