Jennifer Love Hewitt says she almost dumped her boyfriend, Jamie Kennedy, after he called her a "pear ass," but then she didn't. "Have you ever seen a pear?" she asked Mario Lopez the other night. "It starts thin, it gets fat and it never gets thin again. It's not cute. It's not a cute fruit." Forbes ranks Beyoncé and Jay-Z as Hollywood's top-earning couple, raking in $162 million last year alone. Brangelina, on the other hand, brought in a scant $55 million. While Salman Rushdie entertained an attractive twentysomething at Waverly Inn, Pierce Brosnan swaggered in to dine with three friends. Would-be New York senator Harold Ford lunched at San Pietro with hedge-funder Dan Loeb, and everyone cynically assumes he was doing it for the money. When he found out that Simon Cowell was leaving American Idol, Ryan Seacrest cried.
After throwing back several tequila shots and showing off her pole-dancing skills at a club called Opium Hard Rock in Florida, Jersey Shore's Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi decided she was hungry and had her driver take her to Dunkin' Donuts, where she did some snacking before heading back to the party. In related news, the Queens gym teacher whom MTV cameras caught slugging Snooki in the face is getting fired. Casey Johnson's aunt, Libet Johnson, is fighting to win back custody of her son. Tila Tequila, meanwhile, has been busy posting over 160 tweets since Johnson's death, commenting on run-ins with the Hiltons and making public the abortion she had when she was 17. Heidi Montag's new single, "I'll Do It," includes catchy lines like, "Pick me, take me, off up into ya dungin. I brought some treats."
Despite rumors stating the contrary, Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly are not engaged. Todd English is getting over his ex-fiancée Erica Wang by frolicking around St. Barts with another pretty Asian woman. Ever since her split from Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon and Jonathan Bricklin, the young SPiN owner with whom she's been romantically linked, spent all of Monday's Most Valuable Kids charity Ping-Pong tournament together. Natalie Portman strolled hand-in-hand with choreographer Benjamin Millepied in the West Village yesterday. Tyra Banks brunched at Commerce, noting that she likes to try a new brunch location every Sunday. Two iPhone-camera-clad women interrupted Willem Dafoe's dinner at La Gigot to snag photos with him. James Spader perused the Barclay Rex cigar store with his dog, Mr. Meagles. Anderson Cooper pumped iron with a David Barton trainer.