Madonna Won’t Stop Texting A-Rod


David Beckham paid tribute to his deceased Jewish grandfather by getting Jesus Christ inked on his lower right abdomen. Joe Namath’s daughter was busted for pot possession while speeding in her Mercedes at 1 a.m. Sunday morning. She was also toting an open bottle of Captain Morgan and eleven bottles of beer. Jet Darrelle Revis, meanwhile, partied with Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Grandmaster Flash at Chelsea’s Quo nightclub Sunday night. Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids when he set his home-run record, but he defends that it was only for his health. And A-Rod’s been hanging out in South Beach with toned blonde Elaine Spottswood, where the two “work out together nearly every day.” Rodriguez, however, “keeps bragging that Madonna is still texting him all the time.” And though some feared that Jesus Luz might be jealous over Madonna’s recent dinner with her ex Sean Penn, it turns out “Jesus has no idea who Sean Penn is.”

Blake Lively poses pantsless for the cover of Esquire, and told them about how she cried during her sex scene with Ben Affleck in The Town. Twilight’s Ashley Greene sports nothing but some strategically placed body paint in a new ad campaign for SoBe Lifewater. Megan Fox strips down to her undies for Armani. While speaking in a New York Times panel discussion, Natalie Portman recognized a stalker of hers sitting in the front row. She exited the stage until security guards removed him. Usher claims that $1 million worth of jewelry was jacked from the back of his Yukon while he was in an Atlanta AT&T store. Ozzy Osbourne expounds on sex, drugs, and Satanism in his new autobiography, noting, “What you read here is what dribbled out of the jelly I call my brain when I asked it for my life story.”

While Jennifer Aniston is a presenter at this Sunday’s Golden Globe Awards, Brangelina will not be in attendance. Britney Spears’s boyfriend did not cheat on her, and says that when he went to the Standard Hotel at 2 a.m. with another woman, it was just to get food. The Queen is pushing Prince William to wed Kate Middleton so that he won’t be single for her Diamond Jubilee in 2012. Cindy Crawford gushes to Town & Country about how domestic she’s gotten, like how she hired Obama’s decorator to outfit her Malibu home. Kate Gosselin’s $7,000 hair extensions are chafing her scalp. A Monkey Bar busboy went gaga over Elton John, who kept calling him over to his table to chat. Agyness Deyn, Danny Glover, and Alanis Morissette were all spotted strolling down West Broadway, but not together.