On Top of Everything, Heidi Montag Can’t Move Her Face


Ugh, what is going on in this country? A huge portion of people are unemployed. A huge number of Americans have turned against the president. Efforts to provide the citizenry with basic health-care services have completely fallen apart, owing to greed and infighting. Everyone is mad at everyone else for everything. Some people are so pissed off, they’re saying, “Screw it, let’s kick out guy who actually knows what he’s doing, and elect a random dude, just to see what happens.” And on top of everything, a young girl from Colorado who moved to Los Angeles in pursuit of a better life has had so much plastic surgery by the age of 24 that she can no longer move her own face. “I feel pretty plastic,” she explains in this video. “It’s still hard for me to chew sometimes and I have to speak very quietly because my jaw and everything … It’s kind of a Cinderella story.” Also, more people will watch this video than read any of the things in this paper.