This morning, the tech community swooned when Apple unveiled its long-awaited new product. But women across the nation had but one reaction: EW. Jessica Coen and Jessica Pressler were two of them..
J-Press: They really did it.
J-Press: They called it the iPad.
J-Coen: I'd laugh if it weren't so gross.
J-Press: It's been so long in the making. Months. Years. Lifetimes. How could they make such a silly, foolish, human error?
J-Coen: Obviously they have no women involved in their decision-making process.
J-Coen:: Silly Apple — pads are for writing or menstruating. Not for finger-sliding.
J-Press: This is going to be so awkward.
J-Press: There's going to be a huge female backlash and they're going to have to backtrack and change it. Like Beaver, the official magazine of Canada.
J-Press: Or Beaver College.
J-Coen: The Clot School of Technology.
J-Press: Ew! Is that a thing?
J-Coen: No, I just made it up, because when I think of pads, I think of that terrible visual.
J-Press: It's already starting! Michelle Cabruso Cabrera just said, "It sounds like a feminine hygiene product" on CNBC!
J-Press: God, the ladies on The View are going to be all over this. "It has speakers, a compass, BlueTooth, Wi-Fi, ten hours of battery life, AND IT'S TOTALLY ABSORBENT."
J-Coen: "It's so thin, no one will be able to see it through your panties!"
J-Press: You can go everywhere with it, but NOT IN THE POOL!
J-Coen: And then eventually people will start saying things like, "I can't believe you're still using the iPad."
J-Press: "Don't you know they have this new version that's so small and compact, you can insert it right up your vagina? It's called the iPon!"
J-Coen: Though young girls might want to wait a few years before trying that one.
Related Menstrual Jokes: 8 Reasons Women Should Be Excited for the iPad [Jezebel]