We've been ignoring Lori Gottlieb and her book, Marry Him, because it seemed like there were enough ladies getting worked up about it on the Internet. Also we could tell from the premise (something about how women shouldn't be too choosy, and should settle for the nice guy with halitosis and a harelip so they don't end up old and alone and getting hated on the Internet like the author) that thinking about it would just lead us to ponder questions for which there aren't any answers, and not the fun kinds of questions without answers such as "What does Bo Obama think about when he's frolicking in the snow?" But now "fatty cum" is involved, and so we're paying attention.
Apparently, Gottlieb wrote an essay, exhumed by Jezebel, for a book called Scoot Over, Skinny: The Fat Nonfiction Anthology, about dating a fat guy called Tim, and "Tim" has now written into the website to defend himself, and accuse Gottlieb of James Frey–like exaggeration. From his e-mail:
I was offended; this is a non-fiction book, and she's making up stuff to fit an arc or for a joke or to make her look better. So Tim is 300 pounds, and gains 50 in the month before the break-up, while I went from 270 to 235 to 245; Tim was a member of Overeaters Anonymous and I wasn't; Tim has a variety of disgusting physical features beyond his obesity; Tim obsesses about whether he can see his penis; Tim plaintively asks Lori to reciprocate his love, when in real life Lori used the L-word first; and the multiple times Lori begged me to stay with her and her broken promises are left out, of course. There were ten months we were emailing, and seven we were dating; Tim's only in the picture for five months.
That's pretty damning, and having been unfortunately caricatured ourselves by an ex in a stupid magazine essay this one time, we were fully on Tim's side. Until he went a bridge too far.
"I can't vouch for the supposedly cream-flavored taste of my cum, but neither can she: she never went down on me, and only let me go down on her once"
It's not the explicit nature of this statement that we find off-putting, but that it sounds like a lie. Don't all guys sample the sauce before serving it to guests?