Amid reports that Madonna and Jesus Luz have called it quits, and that Madge had a secret meeting with A-Rod, she and Jesus quelled all doubts of their devotion by "kissing in front of everyone" (including Tom Ford) and being "all over each other" at the London premiere of A Single Man. Madonna also conducted a dance-off at SL Wednesday night, on the hunt for dancers for her new tour. Dancing With the Stars is looking to cast athletes with an itch to samba at Miami Super Bowl parties this weekend. Tiger Woods ended his stint in sex rehab and has returned home with Elin (who no longer wears her wedding ring but has called off the divorce) and their two children. Jessica Biel had better watch her back. Precious's Gabourey Sidibe wants Justin Timberlake as her Oscar date. And at the Norwood party celebrating Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's collaboration with Steve Madden, Madden said to Ashley's boyfriend, Justin Bartha, "You look just like the star of that movie The Hangover."
American Idol execs want Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell because they "think he'd be even nastier than Simon." For $6,500 a night, you can sleep where Snooki slept. And when Inside Edition gave Snooki a makeover, dressing her in a cleavageless blazer, the guidette griped, "I feel like my grandmother. I wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit. If I had to go to court, I'd wear this. That's about it." Rihanna sported a one-legged bra-baring unitard yesterday. Paired with fishnet stockings, of course. Kristen Stewart was a "key player in prostitution case," meaning she served jury duty on a case involving prostitution. Joe Simpson is launching a Nickelodeon comedy loosely based on Jessica, Ashlee, and himself. And last we checked in with Alec Baldwin, he thought he needed to shed a few pounds, but apparently that sentiment has passed. He's been busy loading up on fudge and Swedish Fish at Dylan's Candy Bar.
Mayor Bloomberg, Gloria Vanderbilt, Anderson Cooper, Regis Philbin, and Liz Smith honored the late David Brown, who co-produced Jaws, The Sting, and Cocoon. Charlie Sheen is being charged with felony menacing and misdemeanor assault after threatening to kill his wife on Christmas Day. Anna Wintour shivered in front of the Lucille Lortel Theatre while waiting to catch a performance of The Pride with her daughter, Bee. Universal Music Group and ICM offices have both been infested with bedbugs, sending employees fleeing from the premises. Concertgoers planning on catching Jared Leto's band had to evacuate the West Hollywood club owing to a bomb threat. Mick Jagger hung out with Mickey Rourke's girlfriend, Elena Kuletskaya, at Rose Bar. Bono dined with Damien Hirst and a slew of attractive women at Da Silvano. And after her Jessica Alba–obsessed boyfriend broke up with her, a Chinese woman is getting plastic surgery to look just like Jessica.