Elton John Thinks Jesus Is a Gay Man


Pamela Anderson was three hours late to help Richie Rich launch his new line, showing up to (briefly) do what she does best — bounce in front of lots of people in a barely there bathing suit. But despite years of bathing-suit bouncing, Anderson admits, “I never feel confident. I really don’t love my body.” She should get a pep talk from Beyoncé. Speaking of which, Bar Refaeli got “really excited” when Single Ladies started playing at Shutter Island’s Avenue after-party, where she and Leo danced and kissed throughout the night. Following an impromptu performance at his William Rast after-party, Justin Timberlake stepped away from screaming girls to give Jessica Biel a a “raunchy” lap dance in front of Kellan Lutz, AnnaLynne McCord, and Ryan Philippe. Adam Lambert, who’s apparently “bi-curious,” made out with Ke$ha, and he says she’s a great kisser. Elton John is convinced that “Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man.” And Details released photos of Robert “I’m allergic to vagina” Pattinson staring apathetically into the distance while surrounded by naked women.

An L.A. judge praised Chris Brown for his diligent probation work, noting that he hasn’t missed a single domestic-counseling session and has completed 32 days of community labor. Gold star for Brown! Though the judge at Lindsay Lohan’s probation hearing said “everything looks good,” Michael Lohan disagreed, making a public plea that his daughter return to rehab. Lil Wayne was able to put his sentence for felony on hold to get “oral surgery,” and it turns out he needed eight root canals. After making a public statement about his infidelity, Tiger Woods will return to rehab. Lisa Rinna tweetpologized to Heidi Montag for criticizing her countless cosmetic surgeries. Scarlett Johansson opened up to Letterman about planning her 2008 secret wedding to Ryan Reynolds, noting that it was like “doing a drug deal — without all the fun.”

To quell reports that they’re splitting, Brangelina’s been staging photos around Venice “like a military operation — making a point of being seen in public as a happy family unit.” In an effort to get Levi Johnston to cough up money for child support, Bristol Palin issued subpoenas to CNN, Playgirl, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider, Star Magazine, and the National Enquirer to find out how much he made last year. According to his payoff deal with NBC, Conan O’Brien can’t appear onstage until September, so he’s considering a series of theatrical shows. At a lunch honoring James Cameron at Michael’s, Dr. Ruth Westheimer popped in and handed Cameron key chains to promote her new book, Sex for Dummies. Cameron said he “didn’t need them but would pass them on to others who might.” Rafael Nadal cozies up to Shakira in her new music video, nose-kissing her as they writhe on a rock. And there’s an Indianapolis grassroots movement to get former Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson to take Evan Bayh’s U.S. Senate seat.