Somebody Made Jesus Cry

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Photo: WireImage

After Anna Wintour announced she would only spend three days at Milan Fashion Week, throwing designers into a tizzy as they rearranged shows to accommodate her schedule, Milan mayor Letizia Moratti shocked the fashion industry's hierarchy by announcing that "Nobody, not even if her name is Anna Wintour, can take the liberty to do and undo our fashion schedule. For this reason, we must all work united." Jesus Luz was D.J.-ing a samba party in Rio when someone threw a beer in his face and yelled, "Get out of here, I don't wanna see your face here anymore!" Luz then sobbed in a corner and only finished his D.J. gig after four bodyguards surrounded him. Snoop Dogg "ruined" Juelz Santana's birthday party at M2 by showing up with a twenty-person entourage and a four-man security team, blocking 29th Street and causing the NYPD to investigate the scene. Diddy, a scheduled host for the evening, immediately exited the premises as a result of the Snoop-induced chaos. Lil' Kim, however, seemed to enjoy herself. And while Scarlett Johansson's hubbie, Ryan Reynolds, is off in New Orleans filming Green Lantern, the View From the Bridge star is spending her nights frolicking from the Boom Boom Room to The Box to SPiN with Axl Rose (who followed their Ping-Pong match with a solo trip to Avenue, paddle still in hand).

Brad Pitt and Angelina's brother James Haven (yes, the one she made out with) are responsible for the union of Jolie and her formerly estranged father, Jon Voight. Following Bar Refaeli's less-than-fully clothed photo shoot with "the Situation," Leonardo DiCaprio crushed rumors that he and the Israeli model have split by snuggling up to her on a yacht off the coast of Cabo. Need a vacation home? George Clooney is looking to sell his Lake Como villa (for a mere 20 million euros) after being driven out by swarming paparazzi. Victoria and David Beckham are potential buyers, along with a Russian vodka tycoon. Hugh Jackman returned from Shanghai with a beard. Mary-Kate Olsen got over her breakup from Matt Lowman by canoodling with Josh Hartnett at the Weinstein/Universal BAFTA after-party. And Kelly Ripa didn't take on her husband, Mark Conseulos's, last name; she just got it tattooed on her wrist instead.

Real Housewife Ramona Singer "pounced like a tiger" on Kelly Bensimon, plowing her way to the VIP area after she saw her talking to Khloe Kardashian at Quo, but Singer says Kardashian "invited" her into their area to chat. Dina Lohan, meanwhile, witnessed the drama (likely wondering how to get in on the action), while Ron Jeremy grinded with a middle-aged woman. A Florida woman is suing 50 Cent, claiming the rapper hijacked and inserted himself (donning a "curly wig and fluffy robe") into her sex tape. Speaking of which, The Bachelor's Rozlyn Papa also has a sex tape that's being "shopped around the porn community." Lost's Matthew Fox is accused of having an affair with a stripper from Oregon, and she claims to have incriminating voice mails and texts from him. And after a series of drug arrests in the seventies, Leif Garrett pleaded not guilty to possession of heroin in an L.A. subway this week (but who takes subways in L.A. anyway? Clearly reason enough for investigation). And Conan O'Brien joined Twitter, announcing, "Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me."