Ever the model of domestic bliss, Chris Brown read to students at Harlem's Sisulu-Walker Charter School's annual "Family Read Night." He even wore glasses to look scholarly! Naomi Campbell, who has a history of abusing her help, spoke out for the first time since allegedly assaulting her driver on Tuesday, commenting, "I have worked very hard on correcting my previous wrongdoings and I will not be held hostage to my past." Her driver's lawyer, meanwhile, refused to say whether Campbell bribed him to drop charges. Johnny Depp's girlfriend (and mother of his children), Vanessa Paradis, "ordered" him to "find another gig" after hearing about his sex scenes with Angelina Jolie in The Tourist. Never mind that Depp is already in the middle of filming in Venice. Jennifer Aniston is launching a fragrance and she wants to name it "Aniston," though her decision has been met with "less than unanimous approval." Lindsay Lohan has decided to share her poignant thoughts with the world by penning a memoir, commenting, "It's going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There's a lot to put down, you know?"
New Moon director Chris Weitz has read the script for Eclipse, and he's "looking forward to the sleeping bag scene that's going to be very steamy." Weitz also confirms that he will not be directing the saga's fourth installment, Breaking Dawn, which may or may not be broken into two movies (both Kristen Stewart and R-Patz agree that it merits two films). J.K. Rowling says she's too busy writing to present an Oscar with Stephanie Meyer. The newly engaged Kristen Bell's sparkler distracted partygoers at Vanity Fair and Brioni's Beverly Hills bash, but not enough to stop women from swooning over Gerard Butler. Butler also says he'll be going stag to the Oscars, explaining, "I'm not taking a date — unless I have a serious girlfriend, which probably a lot of people know is rare." And Eva Longoria-Parker went straight for the sliders at the Pre-Oscar Hollywood Domino Gala, while AnnaLynne McCord showed up without Kellan Lutz. And the folks at Dos Caminos made Michelle Trachtenberg a "customized margarita," which she sipped over lunch with girlfriends. Because who doesn't drink margaritas at noon on a Tuesday?
Elin Nordegren might be moving back in with Tiger Woods, but his fans are less forgiving. According to a new poll, negative views of the golfer have gone up 160 percent, and he now has the highest negative reaction of any athlete since Kobe Bryant's rape accusations. A Vatican chorister was fired for hiring male prostitutes for his papal "gentlemen"-in-waiting. In response to critics who think the purpose of his Haitian relief efforts is to distract the public from his divorce, Sean Penn said he wants them to "die screaming of rectal cancer." Remember Joey Lawrence? His wife just had a baby. Gwyneth Paltrow vows to get more sleep and is encouraging her Goop following to do the same, because, you know, if Gwynie's tired, you must be basically dead. And while Levi Johnston scored $100,000 for his Playgirl shoot, Jon Gosselin would only garner $20,000 if he were to pose nude for the magazine, because according to its rep, "His star is extinguishing and he's not very [well-endowed]." For the sake of its readers, we hope he declines their offer.