God, nothing can make this guy happy. Even though Barack Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder risked public backlash by attempting to arrange civilian trials for Guantánamo Bay detainees (including 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed), Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden has released a 74-second audio message condemning the approach. "The White House declared that it wanted to execute them," the terrorist leader said on a recorded message played on Al Jazeera. "The day the United States makes this decision, it will have made the decision to execute those of you who fall prisoner to us." Bin Laden also called KSM a "holy warrior and hero." "Your master in the White House continues to follow in the footsteps of his predecessor in many important matters, like his escalation of the war in Afghanistan," he lectured. Man, poor Obama. He's got to be so bummed about this. Or, you know, he would be if he gave a rat's ass about the opinions of a mass-murdering terrorist coward who hides in caves while his minions behead every American they find anyway. But thanks for the note, dude, and for letting us know you're still alive. Now we know there's still the chance for us to have the pleasure of killing you.
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