The Coyotes Have Invaded Chelsea


First, the coyotes took Harlem. Then they progressed to Central Park. Then they started hanging out on our campuses and adapting to city life. Now they’re frolicking around the piers in Chelsea in the wee hours of the morning like just another roving gang of tranny prostitutes. Cops spotted one of them last night on 12th Avenue near 24th Street and tried haplessly to corral it, but the coyote was too quick and managed to flit away gracefully (again, like a tranny prostitute). The whole thing was caught on video. We are officially disturbed by the coyote invasion. Is it just one coyote we keep seeing over and over? Or is the city teeming with them? Either way, something just seems very wrong about this whole thing. If we walk into Mud Coffee one day and catch one of them working on a screenplay while listening to We Were Promised Jetpacks in noise-canceling headphones, we are seriously moving away from this city.