What to Say When You’re Accused of Masturbating in Public

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A former NYPD detective accused of fondling himself in a Sheepshead Bay park says (1) he was urinating, not masturbating, (2) the arresting officer failed to adequately describe his penis in testimony, and (3) he can't really be accused of doing anything in public because his genitals were obscured from view by some foliage. [NYP]