Eternal bachelor George Clooney dumped Italian model Elisabetta Canalis. Apparently, "they'd been on the rocks since February, but held on to make it through awards season." How thoughtful of him. Sandra Bullock is busy prepping divorce papers, and according to the couple's prenup, Jesse James gets nothing. Nicollette Sheridan is suing Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry, claiming he physically abused her on-set. Banking heir and former "actor/model" Justin Lazard was arrested. Again. Following his 2008 drunk-driving arrest, Shia LaBeouf claims to have reformed his hard-partying ways. "When I drink, I get crazy," he explains. "I fucked around for a while, so now I don't drink anymore, right now. But that's just today."
The firm that helped Annie Leibovitz settle her debt last year (including a $40 million deal) is now suing her for $800,000 in fees. Twenty security guards surrounded Snooki and the Jersey Shore cast with black umbrellas as the "stars" avoided South Beach fans. Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan's only source of income these days is through personal appearances, for which she charges less than Snooki. Kate Gosselin had a meltdown in the middle of rehearsal for Dancing With the Stars, claiming she missed her kids too much. But she's forging ahead with the show because she "needs the money." Evan Lysacek, meanwhile, says he'll protect fellow Star Erin Andrews from her stalker, using the blade of his ice skate as a weapon. A paparazzo is suing Sean Penn for his alleged death threat, "The next time I see you, you'll be in a box," uttered outside an L.A. market. Said paparazzo is also the crafty inventor of a three-funnel beer bong and a line of sex toys. And Mischa Barton asks that we not hate on the yellow banana-pants she wore in honor of Easter.
Rihanna is going on tour with Ke$ha. Sometime socialite Devorah Rose (seen causing drama and vying for face time on High Society and NYC Prep) is heading to Hollywood in hopes of landing her own reality show. Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts are not splitting up, despite reports that he couldn't handle her being their "breadwinner." Instead, the couple and their children hopped a flight to Barbados for nine days. Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera headed to Vegas together, but then got in a fight, broke up, and he checked into a different hotel. Meanwhile Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner have been "all over each other," conveniently in time to promote the new season of The Hills. And plastic-surgery pioneer Heidi Montag chatted with Ryan Seacrest about having her back "scooped," and when he asked what that was, she responded, "I actually don't know. I might be the first one to try it." She also says she can't jog owing to her E or F cup size.