Jessica Alba So Hot She Nearly Sets Fire to Hotel

After Leonardo DiCaprio sat courtside at a Laker game with Bar Refaeli, he shared a table with Paris Hilton at Hollywood’s Trousdale. Hilton also ignored ex Doug Reinhardt when she “bumped into him” at My Studio, partying alongside Adam Levine and Samantha Ronson. Heidi Klum chatted with Ellen about how she has naked photos of herself and Seal hanging up in their bedroom, explaining, “We’re not doing some naked voodoo dancing crazy business. It’s just photos. They were not for anyone to see. It’s not like we’re showing them to everybody.” Jessica Alba set off the fire alarm at Tribeca’s Smyth Hotel when she tried to heat up some fish sticks in her room. Lindsay Lohan clutches a gun and fake-chokes photographer Tyler Shields for shots in his upcoming book. She tweeted, “It’s not soft core porn hunny, it’s called ART.” And Jessica Simpson explains why she only brushes her teeth three times a week: “because my teeth are so white and I don’t like them to feel too slippery, but I do use Listerine and I do floss every day. But I don’t brush them every day.” Then adding, “My lips just slide all over the place … I can’t catch up with my mouth.” That’s what John Mayer said.

Katie Holmes is slated to play Jackie Kennedy in a mini-series on the History Channel. Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes. Again. Jon Gosselin is dropping his custody and child-support lawsuit against Kate and is trying to “work out an arrangement that is both private and between themselves.” Because we know how much he hates being in the public eye. Kate Gosselin, meanwhile, looks shockingly toned for having birthed eight offspring, and she’s not afraid to flaunt it. Randy Quaid’s felony charges were dropped, but his wife’s on probation for three years and has to perform 240 hours of community service. And sources on the set of The Hills say Heidi Pratt is addicted to her post-surgery painkillers.

Justin Bieber took his mother bungee jumping. Courtenay Semel, Casey Johnson’s former lesbian lover, may be making an appearance on High Society. Hot spot of yore the Jane is supposedly going to reopen soon, but we’ve heard that one before. Khloe Kardashian took a nap on her sister’s behind. Robert Downey Jr. told Rolling Stone that the safest he’s ever felt was when he was in jail, which is sad. And in the middle of Tuesday night’s performance of Lend Me a Tenor, a mouse scurried onstage, so Justin Bartha improvised, “This hotel has mice.”