Kelly Killoren Bensimon Wants You to Think She Doesn’t Know What a Vibrator Looks Like

As if Michael Lohan being engaged to Jon Gosselin’s ex weren’t vomit-inducing enough, turns out Kate Major was once a member of Lindsay’s entourage, serving as “a driver, confidant, an all-purpose factotum.” The surprisingly on-target Dina comments, “It all sounds a bit incestuous to me.” Kate Gosselin signed onto a Jon-less TLC series about “women facing their own challenges,” where she will “even visit the homes and workplaces of everyday people.” Hugh Hefner, thankfully, does not plan to put her in Playboy, commenting, “I don’t think she’s a celebrity.” When someone handed Kelly Bensimon a new acne-fighting tool at a beauty event, she responded, “I can’t be photographed with a vibrator.” She did, however, pose and swap digits with Giuliana Rancic.

Whitney Houston canceled more concert dates as rumors spread that she’s snorting coke. But the fresh-out-of-the-hospital Houston defends that she just suffers from “a lot of allergies.” Alicia Keys is pushing back the release of her duet with Beyoncé to focus on “Unthinkable,” her collaboration with Drake, likely as “a favor” to Drake, who’s a friend of Keys’s boyfriend, Swizz Beatz. Tiki Barber tried to go back to Fox News, but they wouldn’t have him. And the 23-year-old NBC intern he was hooking up with convinced her family she was baby-sitting for him.

Cindy Adams threw the Jersey Shore cast a farewell party at her home, and she “loved them.” Adams described, “Mike the Situation then — holding aloft my Tiffany plate — voluntarily rolled up his shirt to show me his abs. It was sweet.” Susan Sarandon continues to go out about town with her SPiN business partner Jonathan Bricklin but avoids admitting that they’re dating. Mayor Bloomberg popped by Publicolor’s Stir, Splatter + Roll benefit to say hi to Police Commissioner Ray Kelly and Senator Chuck Schumer. Bradley Cooper and Renée Zellweger dined together at Locanda Verde. Snickering fans called Tiger Woods “Tigger” at the typically staid Augusta National Masters Tournament, while Augusta’s chairman called Woods’s behavior “egregious.” And when asked about Mark Wahlberg’s chiseled pecs in Date Night, Steve Carell replied, “Looking at Mark Wahlberg’s chest is like looking at the sun. If you stare too long, you go blind.”