Citigroup Thanks America Effusively for Allowing It to Make $4.4 Billion

Citigroup declared a profit this morning for the first time in two years: $4.4 billion in the first quarter, which brings CEO Vikram Pandit closer to his vision of receiving a salary that is more than the $1 he’s been getting since he took over in the midst of the housing crisis. Naturally, this made him a little bit emotional, and in his statement this morning, Pandit bent over backwards to stress how grateful he is — unlike certain other CEOs of financial institutions — for the taxpayer-funded bailout. “All of us at Citi recognize that we would not be where we are without the assistance of American taxpayers,” he said.

We are gratified that Citi has been able to repay their TARP investment in our company, with a substantial return, as well as create a significant increase in the value of their equity in Citi.”

Thanks, Vikram, that’s nice — oh wait no, you’re still going? Okay.

Still, that is not enough. We owe taxpayers a huge debt of gratitude for assisting us at a critical time. We are determined to repay this debt by continuing to build a strong company and contribute to America’s economic recovery.”

Okay, now stop — please, we’re getting embarrassed.

Citigroup Earnings Statement [Official Site]