Mimi Gurbst Sounds Terrifying, Awesome


The New York Observer’s Felix Gillette has received a lot of flack (including from "Page Six" and Gawker) for the rather fluffy piece he wrote last week about Mimi Gurbst, ABC’s senior producer who’s leaving the network to become a high-school guidance counselor. In the piece he described the future mediator of teen angst as “a kind of cherished, if unofficial, career counselor at ABC News.” Commenters on the site, however, were quick to vilify Gurbst, revealing that she is in fact Queen Bitch in her own remake of Mean Girls. In the over 160 comments (who knew former ABC employees spent their days trolling the Observer’s website?), Gurbst has received what one commenter calls “TV Karma,” but we’ve picked out some of our favorite comments, including a How to Get In With Mimi guide, which should be very helpful for her future high-school students.

Some are laughably hyperbolic:

Live by the sword, die by the sword. Mimi wielded the sharpest of daggers during her long career but she backed the wrong side in the "anchor wars" of 2005-2010...and now (like Thomas Cromwell) she too must climb the scaffold. - Abcobserver

One time Mimi threw a Molotov cocktail at the newsroom, setting it ablaze, then danced a jig while thrusting her pitchfork into the air with glee. True story. - WalterCronkite

I heard Mimi was behind the Tiananmen Square massacre, Lebron James' latest playoff struggles, and the dinosaurs becoming extinct. - trudy1

But this one makes her seem kind of awesome:

How to Get ‘In’ with Mimi [A Guide for Future Students] 1. Mimi and her clique of chosen ones at ABC News were dubbed the “Mean Girls.” To be a part of the group you had to be at least 3 of the following: white/good-looking/rich/pedigree/Ivy(or fancy boarding school) or date/marry/be associated with people who fit that bill 2. If female, wear expensive jewelry and shoes. Talk about the size of your boyfriend’s penis, how good/bad the sex is, and how much money he and his family make.
3. If male, see #2 and add flirtation. Yes, even if you’re gay. Dress well and keep yourself groomed. Tell her which females and/or males you want to f***. And use that word.
4. If minority, talk about your racial sexual preferences. Bonus points if you like white women and/or men. Extra bonus if they are Jewish.
5. All - you must ALWAYS have a good gossip story. Tell her gossip (preferably sex-related) about your colleagues. If you know famous people, you MUST name-drop. Talk about your love for the Four Seasons and fancy hotels/restaurants/shopping. And as previously mentioned, compliment her hair and outfits.
6. Doing all of the above will guarantee you a plum position at…well, not at ABC News anymore THANK GOD. I’ll be sure to pray in church this Sunday that the good lord Jesus will help her change her ways…so help those children. - by notamimipet

Hear that, kids?