Name: “Sir” Ari Gold
Age: Ageless pop star
Neighborhood: LES (That’s “Lower East Side” for everyone above 14th Street)
Occupation: Recording and performing artist and activist. He’ll be performing alongside Martha Wash, Me’Shell Ndegeocello, and more at the NYC Pride Rally at Central Park’s SummerStage tomorrow beginning at 4 p.m.
Who’s your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
Carrie Bradshaw before she married Big — I relate to her NYC subcultural celebrity, the way the city keeps biting her in the ass and her determination to find her bashert despite slim pickings.
What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in New York?
There’s a goat cheese, capers, and black olive spaghettini dish at Elephant and Castle that is sinfully delish, and when I eat there I feel like I’m living in the golden era of the gay West Village seventies style.
In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
I always joke that all I do all day is write and rewrite my bio over and over, which I’m pretty much doing right now as I answer these questions …
Would you live here on a $35,000 salary?
Really? I can make $35,000 as an artist living in New York? Where do I sign up?
What’s the last thing you saw on Broadway?
Sondheim on Sondheim.
Do you give money to panhandlers?
Yes, especially the talented ones, but I sort of have a no-able-white-guy rule.
What’s your drink?
Sunita on Norfolk’s award-winning Jalapeño Passion Fruit Martini. I also just discovered this virgin sangria tea at Argo Tea Café on 58th Street that’s like a healthy, caffeinated, refreshing drink and snack all in one. Oh, and Guayaki Yerba Mate! And fresh-squeezed OJ! I’m kind of obsessed with drinks of any kind.
How often do you prepare your own meals?
Does Kraft Mac and Cheese count? If I call my mom, she will have a four-course Shabbos-like dinner ready in ten minutes flat.
What’s your favorite medication?
My doc has recently prescribed Ativan, which is like Xanax but doesn’t make me feel like I wanna sleep all day.
What’s hanging above your sofa?
Three orange, yellow, and green abstract oil on canvas paintings by Noah Simblist, who also happens to be my best friend from Yeshiva high school who I skipped gym class with.
How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
John at Shotime on Ridge Street puts art on my head for less than $30.
When the eastern sun of my apartment makes it too difficult to fall asleep.
Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
I heard a lecture once about how the old Times Square allowed for class, race, and age intersections that would never happen anywhere else. There are still porn shops with video booths around even with the Disneyfication of Times Square, so maybe that still happens. New York is all about finding the old in the new — or the new in the old. The New York in the Old York! Ha!
What do you think of Donald Trump?
Is this a trick question? If I say something bad, do I never make money in this town again? If I say something good, do I get a free condo?
What do you hate most about living in New York?
It’s the same thing I love most — that I am constantly faced with every part of my entire life on a daily basis.
Who is your mortal enemy?
In the words of an artist named Madonna, “I hate people who hate.”
When’s the last time you drove a car?
I drove a car for like the second time in my life a few years ago in Weimar, Texas. On the same day I also drove a track-hoe, picked up a car, crushed it, and threw it onto a pile of scrap metal.
How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
Any money I made as a child jingle singer that my parents put away for my retirement has dwindled into nothing that would ever buy me a condo in Florida.
Times, Post, or Daily News?
Other than “Page Six,” the Times, although I did recently have an epiphany that just because it’s written in the Times doesn’t make it true.
Where do you go to be alone?
East River Park — because it still hasn’t been renovated enough for it to be overpopulated.
What makes someone a New Yorker?
I wrote a song on my upcoming album called “New York Attitude,” which is about not thinking New York attitude is being rude but really about being sassy, respectful, and your unique crazy self.