The Real Cost of the Gulf Oil Spill

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"Once upon a time, maybe you gave a woman a string of pearls to impress her. The way things are going with this here Gulf spill, soon you'll impress her if you can afford to buy her a dozen oysters. I love to eat the big Italian fish feast every Christmas Eve — calamari, shrimp, lobster. Fuhgeddaboudit, this year it'll be Rice Krispies and baloney sandwiches. And on Christmas Day, the big expensive gift in the stocking will be a pound of jumbo shrimps. What I wanna know is how come we let the British drill this hell hole off our coast? Why not off the coast of London? What's this, payback for the American Revolution over here?" —Downtown Ronnie Califano [NYDN via Gabe Delahaye/Twitter]