Totally Insane Three-Namer Tried to Kill Bin Laden Himself


Gary Brooks Faulkner, like all people with three names, was on a mission to kill. But unlike all other three-namers, he was using his insanity for the greater good. Faulkner, a 52-year-old California construction worker, recently traveled to northwest Pakistan armed with a pistol, a 40-inch sword, and night-vision goggles, hoping to find and kill Osama bin Laden. It would have definitely worked had he not been detained by the Pakistani authorities on Sunday. “God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him,” Faulkner told them. Not just God, Gary. America. America is with you, you brave, crazy bastard. Now get back out there and kill Bin Laden, or die trying, probably. [AP via NYP]