Since his out-of-nowhere election victory a month ago, Alvin Greene has been mocked, often condescendingly, for his difficulty in forming a coherent sentence and obvious deficiencies as a candidate. Reporters interviewing Greene wondered, incredulously, to his face, why in the world anyone had voted for him, as if the indifference that got him elected was his fault. We once referred to him as a “probably mentally incapacitated sex pervert.” But now that the AP has dug into Greene’s past, it’s probably time to start regretting all that derision. Greene was nicknamed “turtle” in high school, and it wasn’t in the cool Entourage way. “I do remember he wasn’t outgoing and he was picked on unmercifully,” Greene’s high school tennis teacher recalls. When he was 10, Greene’s mother died of cancer, and a decade later, his brother died of cystic fibrosis. Obviously he’s not quite prepared to be a senator, but man, the guy’s life has been pretty bleak can’t we just elect him anyway?