Everything You Don’t Need to Know About Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding

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Photo: Stan Hoda/AFP/Getty Images

The wedding between a former First Daughter and a guy, Marc Mezvinsky, of whom nobody had ever heard before he started dating her — in other words, the biggest wedding of all time — is finally here. Even compared to other celebrity weddings, this one has been the focus of incomparably intense speculation. Who is going? What will they eat? Where will they defecate? For the answers and possibly accurate guesses to these questions and more, we give you the complete Chelsea Clinton Wedding FAQ.

When is the wedding?

Tomorrow at 6 p.m.


Where is the wedding?

Inside air-conditioned, glass-walled "tents" on the grounds of the Astor Courts estate in Rhinebeck, New York.


Where is the rehearsal dinner?

According to the Daily News, inside a stone barn on the Grasmere Estate, with catering by Terrapin.


What will it cost?

Nobody really knows, but the estimates run from $2 million (ABC News and Politics Daily) to $3 million to $5 million (Daily News).


So who is going?

According to our own Doree Shafrir, about 400 people are expected to attend, all of them, by rule, personally familiar with Chelsea. But besides members of the Clinton and Mezvinsky families, it’s unclear who they are. The Hudson Valley News reported that invited guests included Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Barbra Streisand, Kate Capshaw and Steven Speilberg, Harold Ickes, Terry McAuliffe, former British prime minister John Major, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Ted Turner, and Denise Rich. But the conservative website Human Events learned that Oprah wasn’t invited and Doris Kearns Goodwin didn’t think she was invited. President Obama said on The View that he wasn’t invited, either.


Who else isn't going?

The Gores and almost the entire population of Planet Earth.


Are some people bitter about not making the cut?

Yep.


Who is making Chelsea’s wedding dress?

Either Vera Wang or Oscar de la Renta: The Clinton women have reportedly visited both numerous times over the past few months, although Chelsea was seen entering Vera Wang in New York only a few days ago. Some have speculated that the bride, bridesmaids, and flower girls will wear Vera Wang, while Hillary Clinton will wear Oscar de la Renta.


Without even knowing what it looks like yet, will every other woman in the world want the same exact dress for their own weddings?

Yes.


Where are Clintons the staying for the weekend?

At the home of a friend of the family.


Wait, are they just crashing on someone's couch?

Nope, the friend is the granddaughter of billionaire George Soros, according to the Hudson Valley News.


Oh, is this another one of those homes that’s nice enough to have its own name?

Yeah, Glenburn.


Who is planning this whole thing?

A guy named Bryan Rafanelli.


If the urge strikes me, could I fly around in my plane above the wedding, taking photos and dropping confetti on the people below?

If you get high enough. The FAA has declared the area above Astor Courts a no-fly zone this weekend below 2,000 feet, at the request of the Secret Service.


Fine. Who is making the cake?

According to rumors, either Lulu's of Scarsdale or Manhattan's Babycakes.


What about the other food?

According to The Wall Street Journal, "The wedding will be catered by a combination of Blue Ribbon Restaurants, St. Regis Hotels and Resorts and Olivier Cheng Catering and Events,” although a manager at Olivier Cheng denied any involvement in the wedding. Life & Style, meanwhile, hears from an insider that “The food will include vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free dishes” to accommodate vegan Chelsea, “but there will also be grass-fed organic beef on the menu.”


And the flowers?

Winston Flowers and Jeff Leatham, the artistic director of the Four Seasons Hotel George V in Paris, will do the floral arrangements, the Journal also reports.


And the wine?

The Journal reports that guests will be given a bottle of wine from the local (and coincidentally named) Clinton Vineyards, but that it won’t be served at the reception.


What music will they play?

TMZ claims to have gotten a look at the wedding playlist, which features lots of Michael Jackson, some Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles, and ABBA, Black Eyed Peas, and Cat Stevens, among others.


Will guests go to the bathroom in port-a-potties?

Yes.


Will they be nicer than any port-a-potty I’ve ever used?

Yup! They're worth $15,000 apiece and look like real bathrooms.


How is Rhinebeck handling this whole thing?

Everyone there is reportedly very excited, but for a couple of days, the town will sometimes resemble a police state. The citizens have already voted to allocate $2,500 for extra police, and the roads around the wedding will be closed down.


If my plan to sneak into the wedding doesn't pan out, is there anything else to do in Rhinebeck this weekend?

Cow judging!