After having a small pump implanted into his heart apparatus, former vice-president Dick Cheney (who is only 69!!) has taken a further step in the transition from crusty old man to eternally living cyborg militant. "A few weeks ago, it became clear that I was entering a new phase of [heart] disease when I began to experience increasing congestive heart failure," Bush's former right-hand man said in a statement today. "After a series of recent tests and discussions with my doctors, I decided to take advantage of one of the new technologies available and have a Left Ventricular Assist Device (LVAD) implanted."
The pump is not the first mechanical device Cheney has had implanted in his chest — he also has a pacemaker, ensuring that his ailing ticker keeps on tocking. (The former vice-president suffered his first heart attack in 1978 at age 37.) Next up: the long cape, black boots, giant oxygen helmet, and magical voice box that make him sound like James Earl Jones.