Attention New York: Do Not Touch This Woman

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Photo: Geoff Robins/AFP/Getty Images

Queen Elizabeth II will bolster the Special Relationship with a five-hour stay in New York today, a stopover tacked on at the end of a nine-day visit to Canada, so bully for you, Canada. After speaking at the United Nations, the Queen will get a tour of ground zero from Governor Paterson and New Jersey governor Chris Christie. Then she'll stop by a memorial to British victims of 9/11, where she will meet with some of their relatives. After that, she's back to Britain to read more about Anna Chapman's possible attempts to have a sex marathon with Prince Harry and Prince William. Interestingly, despite the brevity of the city trip, the Queen hasn't been to New York since the bicentennial celebration in 1976, which actually seems like a humiliating and cruel time to visit.

Queen Elizabeth to visit New York City today for first time in nearly 35 years [NYDN]