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Howard Stern Thanks God Every Day That He Doesn’t Have to Have Sex With Larry King

Howard Stern, who once descended from the rafters during a live broadcast of the MTV Music Awards in buttless chaps, knows how to make a splash. So it was not surprising that the Sirius Radio host had some definite ideas about the kind of things America's Got Talent host Piers Morgan needs to do to distinguish himself when he takes over for Larry King this fall. "It’s no longer competitive just to do the interviews," Stern told us at last night's premiere of Dinner for Schmucks. "I mean, really, if you analyze it, Fox and MSNBC have very big talent. They’re broadcasters who know how to mix things up and do provocative types of television, so that’s who he's competing with. He’s got to do more." He reflected. "I think he should bring in some of the elements from America’s Got Talent. Like, when he interviews a guest, have a big “X” and “X” them if they’re really bad," he said. "Or he can make the guests show off a talent and he can tell them if they’re good or not." We asked what Stern would do if it were him taking over. "Well, the first thing I would do is take a big, giant picture of Larry and throw it in the garbage," he mused. "Then I’d go from there. I’d probably have Larry’s wife on, with the sister. That would be my first guest. And have provocative details of every disgusting sexual position Larry put them in. Can you imagine?" he demanded of us. "Can you imagine Larry on top of you?" We shook our head, willing the image not to come into it. Howard nodded understandingly. "You’d give up being a woman. I thank God every day I’m not a woman because I’m afraid Larry King would get on top of me."

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Photo: Patrick McMullan