Lorenzo and Lance Are Just Friends With Benefits

Madonna flew commercial to London with her macrobiotic chef in tow, giving specific directions to the flight crew: “They weren’t allowed to walk down her aisle or ask her any questions, they had to go through her assistants … She took over the whole plane.” But she’s spending this weekend in East Hampton, prepping for the launch of Lourdes’s fashion line, Material Girl. Mark Wahlberg was pulled over by the LAPD after rolling through a stop sign in his Bentley. Lindsay Lohan is hoping to postpone rehab in order to “spend time with her family.” Except that she previously called her father crazy and tried to get a restraining order against him. Jessica Simpson ordered tequila shots and made out with Eric Johnson at Dos Caminos in the meatpacking district. With her mother. Despite being seen together both in New York and Miami, Lance Bass and Lorenzo Martone say their relationship is just casual, though they do live in the same Chelsea apartment building.

President Obama says he was never invited to Chelsea Clinton’s wedding. Kanye gave a preview of his new album at Facebook’s headquarters, and he joined Twitter. His inaugural tweet? “Up early in the morning taking meetings in Silicone Valley,” then added, “Lol I spelled Silicon wrong ( I guess I was still thinking about the other type of silicone ITS A PROCESS!! : )” The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck insulted lesbians by claiming that the older ones simply couldn’t get a man. Good thing Joy Behar was there to call her theory “ridiculous.” Jessica Biel’s black panties were in full view under her sheer red dress at the London premiere of A-Team. Louise Roe, who had a brief stint on The City, made it through the filming of her new CW series by having B12 shots in her behind. Entourage’s Kevin Connelly and Matt Dillon celebrated owning a share of Sirio’s restaurant in Saratoga Springs by dining there with their own entourage of family and friends. Snooki sulks and swears her way through doing her own laundry on the Jersey Shore season premiere tonight.

Sumner Redstone is facing harassment charges from a former employee. Angelina Jolie’s kids and Liv Schreiber’s kids got into squirt-gun fights on the set of Salt. Melissa Rycroft is pregnant. Russell Crowe plans to stay in Australia for the remainder of the year to spend time with his family.