If we were to have made up a spoof ode to Lindsay Lohan, in the voice of her father, we would have included five key elements:
1. Maudlin lyrics, like: "A father's love will never die / We'll see things through no matter
what the reasons why / I see you look away, you heard the stories and the lies / But if you need me dear, my love for you is alive."
2. A soaring bridge with a verse like: "I can't take one breath without wondering how you are / With every tear I cry I leave a field of broken hearts."
3. A gravelly-voiced imitation Bryan Adams–circa–"I Do It For You" singing the words.
4. Tinkly piano chords that are straight out of a Peabo Bryson ballad. From a Disney movie.
5. High production values. Because when your daughter is in jail, the key thing to spend your money on is studio time.
So imagine our surprise that when Michael Lohan actually did write a sultry love ballad for his daughter, he included all five of those elements! It's like we're in a mind-meld.