Pimco’s Bill Gross Is a Hurried Pooper

By

Bill Gross, the co-founder and chief investment officer of what is probably the world’s most powerful investment company, has something to get off his chest. It’s about poop. “I write this month to condemn the inventor of the seeing-eye toilet,” he informed investors in the company’s newsletter, Outlook, this month. “Yes, that’s right, I’m talking toilets here. Doo-doo stuff.”

He goes on:


I know there must be more substantive and less objectionable topics to bring before you, but I have a sense that many of you join me in spirit, if not common experience, and so I devote this month’s Outlook to another trivial snippet emphasizing our joint humanity and sense of loss due to the recent disappearance of the hand-flusher.

I don’t know where it is located exactly but I do know there’s an electronic eye in the plumbing of public toilets these days that can sense when you get up and get down (or is it get down and get up?) and are finally finished with your “business” if you get my drift. My doctor says a proctology exam is a necessary evil but cameras in toilets? Never having seen myself from this particular angle, it is particularly embarrassing to turn over the assignment to a camera and say, “Snap away—see anything that doesn’t look right?” I figure if there’s an eye there there could also be a little voice that says, “Have a seat,” which of course I do, usually with much haste and a s sense that I’d better get on with it before I attract a crowd.

Outlook [Official site - PDF]