Russian Spies Too Useless, Sexy to Prosecute


What will become of the ten Russian spies of varying sexiness who successfully infiltrated American suburbia? Perhaps a hero’s welcome in the streets of Moscow. Yes, we’re talking about giving amnesty to the Illegals. The Times reports that a “rapid resolution” to the whole spy crisis — in which the spies would plead guilty to lesser charges and return home to Russia — is under discussion. But why? Why allow them to divulge all the secrets they’ve gathered about holding backyard barbecues and shopping at Banana Republic? Would this not imperil the very foundations of our homeland security?

It might, but it would also “avoid a long legal battle in which sensitive information about intelligence techniques could be exposed,” for one. It would “eliminate the possibility that a high-profile case would serve as an irritant to relations between the United States and Russia.” And it also may be part of a spy exchange with Russia, in which incarcerated CIA spies are released from their Siberian gulags into the Western world. Then the United States and Russia can go back to their old paranoid frenemy relationship like nothing ever happened.

Talks on a Rapid End to Russian Spy Case [NYT]
Russian spy claims swap in works for spies in US [AP via Google]