Someone Is Turning Joe Francis Into an Honest Man

Kristen Stewart is scared that fans will kill her while she’s on the red carpet, explaining, “I look out there at a thousand people and I realize they could rush me and assassinate me. No security could protect me. Ostensibly they’re fans, but I think about them turning on me.” Robert Pattinson thinks Betty White should play the baby in Eclipse, and Kellan Lutz agreed, commenting, “I love Betty. I would love for them to do what they did in Benjamin Button with her and she can be Renesmee.” After hearing a recording of Mel Gibson spewing racial attacks at his ex, Gloria Allred determined, “He is clearly in need of anger management and intense counseling for his hatred of racial minorities and women.” Joe Francis is settling down: He and girlfriend Christina McLarty “have chosen to have a civil domestic partnership because we don’t believe it’s appropriate to be married until our gay and lesbian friends are afforded the same rights as us to legally marry in the United States.”

Kelsey Grammer’s third wife, Camille, filed for divorce after thirteen years of marriage. At the age of 47, Elle Macpherson rocked skintight pleather pants at the Britain’s Next Top Model launch party. Despite reports claiming otherwise, Jake Pavelka said he will never pose for Playgirl. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off actor Jeffrey Jones (a.k.a. Principal Ed Rooney) was arrested for not updating his information as a sex offender. Judd Apatow is joining forces with Pee-Wee Herman on “an on-the-road movie built around a big adventure.” The Situation celebrated his birthday at Tenjune, but kept his shirt on for most of the night, noting, “I don’t want to cheapen the product.” Then, when a birthday cake in the shape of his chisled torso was rolled out, he revealed his abs.

Jessica Szohr sneaked into the Ferragamo fragrance launch party at the Standard to be with Sebastian Stan. Julianne Moore thinks LeBron should play for the Knicks. Tennis fans were disappointed in Roger Federer’s sore-loser act, commenting, “Roger blamed everything except his infant twin daughters who, no doubt, have interfered with his sleeping habits.” After his second motorcycle accident this year, Dean McDermott landed in the ICU with a collapsed lung. Drake canceled his European tour to be closer to his sick mother. Victoria Beckham became an animated character on SpongeBob SquarePants.