Thanksgiving Is Going to Be Awkward for the Mantooth Family


A candidate for a judicial position in McClain County, Oklahoma, with the Anchorman-esque name of John Mantooth, is facing very public, very hilarious opposition from an unlikely duo — his daughter and her husband, Jan and Andrew Schill, who have placed an ad in a local paper with the headline, "Do not vote for my dad!" Mantooth claims his daughter's unusual political attack is a result of his bitter divorce from her mother 30 years ago, and may be orchestrated by one of his primary rivals, who used to be law partners with son-in-law Andrew. But on the website, the Schills provide a different explanation: Mantooth grabs old, rotten shit from around his house and gives it as Christmas gifts.

One day shortly before the Christmas of 2004 John Mantooth hurried into my law office with a rusted golden basket. He quickly handed over his gift and thanked me for the chocolates I had sent him the previous day, and then departed as quickly as he had entered. As I resumed my lunch with two other local attorneys, I perused the contents of the mysterious golden basket to find a “Law Office of John Mantooth” pocket knife, a scentless bag of potpourri and a cellophane wrapped box of chocolates hastily taken from the inventory of his cupboard.

After a delightful lunch, I unwrapped the chocolates in anticipation of a quick dessert before returning to work. Also offering a chocolate to one of my friends, I took a quick bite. However, upon recognizing an unfamiliar and unpleasant taste I yelled in shock for my friend to stop. My deepest momentary fear was realized when a survey of the remaining chocolate revealed the remains of the numerous worms and weevils that had long ago devoured the aged chocolate.

Ah, damn. We hope AppleCare covers vomit-impaired keyboards.

Even though the media has taken an unexpected interest in this story, Schill apparently isn't satisfied. In a message today, he expresses hope that people would pay less attention to the fascinating dysfunctional family dynamic at play and more attention to Mantooth's allegedly shoddy record, as detailed in a few documents posted to the website with titles like "Petition Alleging Fraud" and "Motion to Remove Counsel."

We are shocked both by the extent and the nature of the media coverage this story has generated. And we completely agree with Mr. Mantooth that the voters should look at his experience and record when deciding how to cast their vote for District Judge. It is our sincere hope that you will examine this record for which we’ve provided the limited examples available to us and make an appropriate and informed decision.

Respectfully, no. The chocolate story was enough.

Daughter urges Okla. voters to not vote for father [AP via Google]