Attack of the Terror Babies! First They Come for Your Citizenship


If not for Texas representative Louie Gohmert, America might never have known about terror babies and their dastardly plan to be born to foreign parents on U.S. soil, leave immediately on terror-baby airplanes, only to return to terrorize the soil they were born on. But Gohmert wasn’t going to let babies win, so he announced their evil plans on the House floor in July. That awful 14th Amendment — some parts of the Constitution are just not for keeps. Yesterday, Anderson Cooper invited Gohmert on his show to talk about why he chose to launch his anti-baby campaign without, well, evidence. Notoriously pro-baby Anderson begins with a statement from former high-ranking FBI official Tom Fuentes about the “ludicrous” claim: “There was never a credible report, or any report for that matter, coming across through all the various mechanisms of communication to indicate that there was such a plan for these terror babies to be born.” Let the yelling begin!

To jog your memory, Gohmert also compared Obama to Hitler for starting the BP oil spill escrow fund. But Gohmert’s terror-baby theory is not without basis. In fact, Intel Nitasha, born to foreign parents on U.S. soil, was almost one of them! With that coveted all-access-citizenship pass finally in her parents’ grasp, they almost drained their meager bank account, rerouted their budding family back to India, trained Baby Intel Nitasha in the ways of terrorism, and sent her back to America to destroy it. Instead, they popped out another kid and lived out the next 30 years as productive members of the suburbs of Chicago and New Jersey. But think how close you came, America.

Cooper, Gohmert debate ‘terror babies’ [via Gawker]