BREAKING: Justice Antonin Scalia Is Fine


Reports indicate that Justice Antonin Scalia fell while getting into his car yesterday outside of a restaurant in Rhode Island, but “did not need medical assistance” and, according to a spokesman, “is fine.” Also, Justice Sonia Sotomayor stubbed her toe, but it only hurt for a minute, and Justice Clarence Thomas’s bagel went down the wrong pipe, but he coughed and it’s okay.