Carl Paladino Will Teach Poor People to Stop Being So Dirty

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Photo: facebook.com

Real-estate millionaire Carl Paladino, the somewhat surging Republican gubernatorial primary opponent to the party-backed Rick Lazio, has some interesting ideas about how to reform the welfare system, including an optional program in which welfare recipients would go live in converted prisons while they work for the state. Welfare recipients already need to work to earn their checks, but this system comes with some extra perks. Prison guards "would be retrained to work as counselors" who will apparently teach these uncivilized poor people how to smell and look like normal people.

We'll teach them personal hygiene ... the personal things they don't get when they come from dysfunctional homes," Paladino said.

We don't know, are poor people even capable of learning personal hygiene? Or is their universal lack of personal hygiene something more innate, maybe derived from the same genetic deformities that made them poor? It may be a challenge, is all we're saying. Hopefully at least one poor person will have personal hygiene and they can help instruct the others in their native poor-people tongue.

Anyway, that's not the only perk. When you think of prisons you think of drab, dreary places. But that's not what this will be like.

"These are beautiful properties with basketball courts, bathroom facilities, toilet facilities. Many young people would love to get the hell out of cities," Paladino said.

Toilets and bathrooms! Holy shit, who wouldn't drop everything in their lives to go live in a converted prison with toilets and bathrooms! Of course, it will take a few weeks if not months to teach everyone how to use them. But they'll appreciate them in time.

NY candidate: Prison dorms for welfare recipients [AP via Google]