Eagles Turn to Terrorism in Wake of Country’s Decline

Once a majestic patriot, proud to call itself an American, some fringe eagles have become radicalized by their disappointment in Obama’s willingness to compromise his domestic agenda. In protest yesterday, one eagle allowed itself to be sucked up into the engine of Alaska Airlines’ Seattle-bound Flight 68 departing from Sitka, Alaska. None of the passengers or crew were hurt, but the collision did shut down the plane’s engine, delaying the flight — no doubt a symbolic gesture about the roadblocks to progress. Airline spokesperson Paul McElroy said, “It’s certainly not unheard of but it is unusual.” For now.