East Coast, Meet Hurricane Earl

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Oh, hi there, Earl! We didn't even see you at first, brewing away down there in the Northern Leeward Islands. You're getting up quite a head of steam, aren't you? Winds of 120 mph — not bad! Way to take the reins from Hurricane Danielle, who made sort of a feeble showing as the first major Atlantic hurricane of the year (you could tell she wasn't going to stick around. Weak handshake). So are you heading to the Gulf of Mexico? That's a good idea. They've been having entirely too easy a summer.

What? You say you're coming up the East Coast instead? You're going to probably hit North Carolina Thursday evening, and then you're going to blow into the New York area on Friday with rain and winds still over 100 mph? Friday, as in: the day we are all trying to get out of town for the long weekend?

...

Well. Uh, thanks for coming. Hope you enjoy the Maryland crab cakes. You'll excuse us if we don't see you out — we're going to the bar for another drink. Oh, and you have a thing in your teeth. No, other teeth. No — oh, just forget it. No, it's gone. Seriously. We're leaving now.

Hurricane Earl Projected Path [Weather.com]