Michael Kevin Lallana, a (now former) field director for Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Orange County, California, was arrested yesterday for allegedly ejaculating into his twentysomething female co-worker’s water bottle in their office on two separate occasions.
Lallana was discovered after the co-worker became suspicious in March when her water tasted strange and sent it to a private lab to be tested. A previous incident had taken place earlier, when she tasted her water, “felt sick,” and threw it out. In June, the test results were positive for sperm presence, and, after voluntarily agreeing to a DNA test and coming back a match, Lallana was arrested and charged with “releasing an offensive material in a public place” and assault. If convicted, Lallana, a husband and father, could face prison time and mandatory sex-offender registration for life. The mystery of how the victim detected the semen in her water (and felt sick) has not yet been addressed.
This is the second time this summer our nation has been captivated by a big news story about a man, a bottle, his semen, and an unwitting victim: Michael Wayne Edwards of Maryland was arrested earlier this month for squirting semen from a bottle onto unsuspecting grocery-store shoppers. One more, and we’re calling it “The Summer of Semen.”