‘I Wasn’t Trying to Get With You! I’m a Modeling Agent. I Just Thought You Had Beautiful Eyes!’

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Photo: iStockphoto

This was just forwarded to us by a trusted Intel tipster. Reproduced in full:


I just witnessed a pretty amazing incident at the Dolphin gym on E. 4th Street. I was on the Stairmaster, doing my usual lady cardio workout and reading the Post, when I hear crazy screaming coming from downstairs. Then this dude in a wifebeater and spandex bike shorts runs upstairs, grabs the plastic dolphin statuette off the front desk, smashes it like a beer bottle, and starts waving a jagged chunk around yelling, "I'm gonna fuck you up! You can't say I'm gay! This is New York City! Where you think you are? This ain't Arkansas, BITCH!"


At which point a tatted-up young Latino dude comes upstairs and starts backing toward the door. Bike shorts is still screaming: "I wasn't tryin' to get with you! I'm a modeling agent, motherfucker! I just thought you had beautiful eyes!" Then he whips out his phone and calls 911, says to the operator, "Yes, I'd like to report a hate crime. I'm in town from Miami, I'm at the Dolphin gym, and this dude just called me a faggot 'cuz he says i was lookin at him!" The Dolphin workers quickly convince Latino to leave, and calm crazy bike shorts down. A detective and two uniformed cops show up a few minutes later, listen patiently to his story, then leave. Then bike shorts goes back downstairs to finish his workout!

A guy who works there picks up the broken dolphin statuette, looks at it, and says, "Man, dolphins are supposed to be about peace and togetherness ... "

At least nobody lost an ear.