Jessica Loves Her Curves, Lucky Magazine Does Not

Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick checked into Chicago’s Hard Rock Hotel together to see Lollapalooza, and did shots of Cabo Wabo in the lobby lounge. The duo also racked up $800 in room-service charges, holing themselves up in their room and ignoring crazed publicists banging on their door. On the set of Arthur, Helen Mirren gave Russell Brand a bath. Brand tweeted, “Never has getting clean been more dirty.” Jessica Simpson chatted with Lucky about how comfortable she is with her curvy figure. Meanwhile, the magazine’s photos of her have been heavily airbrushed. Zac Efron left the Teen Choice Awards early to slip Vanessa Hudgens $20 during her final Rent striptease at the Hollywood Bowl. And Jennifer Aniston was granted a restraining order against the man who’s been stalking her.

Wasilla mayor Verne E. Rupright has some advice for his competition, Levi Johnston, commenting, “Since I am nearly old enough to be Levi’s grandfather I think it would be wise for him to get a high school diploma and keep his clothes on. The voters like that!” While schmoozing in Water Mill, Governor Paterson commented on his quick transition to the governor’s office, “Only now do I feel ready to govern. Not that I think I’ve done a bad job.” And as for Obama? “He’s on my list, too.” Snooki says she plans to never get arrested again because she’s “too pretty to be in jail.” Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian posed together in a Graduate-themed shoot for Elle. Bar Rafaeli and Leonardo DiCaprio have been chilling on a yacht in Porto Cervo, Italy. And Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas, who insist they’re “just friends,” shared a cozy cup of coffee in L.A.

Glee’s Mark Salling is releasing his first solo album, “Pipe Dreams.” Will.I.Am and M.C. Hammer shared an impromptu recording session in the back of an SUV. After overdosing on aspirin and a sleeping aid, Fantasia Barrino’s father says she’s “doing fine.” Lady Gaga recently reported that she’s an “occasional” cocaine user, but recovering addict Boy George blogged, “Could it be that her use of coke is not so ‘occasional?’” Hurt Locker star Anthony Mackie filled in for Lindsay Lohan at the Cut & Sew fashion event she was slated to attend. And Elisabetta Canalis gushed that George Clooney is “better than plastic surgery.”