Paris Hilton Bores Kim Kardashian to Tears

Former BFFs Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton avoided each other at Lavo Las Vegas’s two-year anniversary. While Paris “writhed on the couch” during a surprise performance of “Stars Are Blind,” Kim looked “bored to tears.” Bristol Palin was granted primary custody of her and Levi Johnston’s son. Johnston, meanwhile, was turned away at the door from Hollywood’s BlackBerry Torch launch event, where Adrian Grenier, Anna Kendrick, Christina Ricci, and Drake were partying. Jersey Shore’s Ronnie was arrested in Seaside Heights owing to unpaid parking tickets. Madonna celebrated her 52nd birthday at Shoreditch House in London with Lourdes and Jesus Luz. And Steven Slater got an offer to host a reality show about people quitting their jobs.

Christie Brinkley hung out with Richard Simmons and danced barefoot at Ronald Perelman’s Apollo Theatre benefit in the Hamptons. While at Bridgehampton Polo, Lance Bass tweeted, “Wow! Some woman security guard took my drink and threw my drink on me and sai[d] ‘get the fuck out’ I’m so confused why that just happened!” Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger called off her wedding to her boyfriend of six years. After just ten months of marriage, Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen are splitting up. Hilary Duff and hockey player Mike Comrie got hitched in Santa Barbara. Penélope Cruz flaunted her new diamond ring while lunching with Javier Bardem in L.A.

Michael Lohan defended Matt Lauer against his alleged “ambushing” of Dina Lohan, commenting, “Matt didn’t ambush Dina. If anything Matt was easy on her. Dina hardly gave him a chance to ask questions and when he did, she didn’t answer them or just lied.” Jude Law’s ex-wife, Sadie Frost, is writing a tell-all about their six-year-long marriage. Scarlett Johansson is likely to snag the lead role in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Molly Sims thinks Heidi Montag “is a really sick girl,” adding, “something is off. You don’t get F-size boobs. And I’m not judging her. I feel sorry for her.” And Tila Tequila was attacked at an Illinois music festival. “She didn’t know how to handle the [crowd] … She took her top off and they got really violent.”