Totally Unimpressive Man Walks the Amazon River in Two Years


There are a number of reasons why we won’t even bat an eye at Ed Stafford’s 859-day, thousands-of-miles journey to walk the length of the Amazon River. Sure, the 34-year-old former British Army captain did it in part to raise awareness about the destruction of the natural habitat, living off piranha fish he caught himself, battling anacondas, illness, and drowning, and even being kidnapped by an Indian tribe, who confiscated his machete. But this man does not deserve your respect.

For one, he is selfish. “The crux of it is, if this wasn’t a selfish, boy’s-own adventure, I don’t think it would have worked. I am simply doing it because no one has done it before.” See, he’s just trying to make you look bad, because what have you done that no one else has done? He’s also a corporate shill: “Stafford said his journey — which has cost $100,000 and is paid for by sponsoring companies and donations — has deepened his understanding of the Amazon.” Deepening, right, sure. He clearly used it to live high off the hog on “store-bought munitions found in local communities along the river.” And lastly, this man is an entertainment junkie. What, the Amazon River wasn’t enough to amuse you? “To relax at night, Stafford said he has downloaded podcasts via Internet satellite phone by British comedian Ricky Gervais and episodes of the TV show The Office.” Stafford, you are no better than us.

British Man Walks Entire Amazon River In 2 Years [NPR]