Us Weekly: Tiger Woods Moves to Manhattan

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Photo: Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

Remember back to last week when Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren officially divorced, and they released a statement asking for privacy? "The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for [our children] as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern." So, naturally, now that he is untethered domestically, Tiger moved to the most private place in the world: New York City! Us Weekly reports that he's settled into a downtown bachelor pad, and has already been spotted chatting up neighbors and introducing himself. You know, privately. Just like he wanted.

So, yeah. Let's get into this. Here is a short list of pros for Tiger moving to New York: the readily available army of skanks, endless nightclubs in which to find said skanks, much better food than Florida (we're guessing the same can be said for the skanks, but we don't want to judge), hundreds of unscrupulous pharmacists, and the Yankees.

Here's a short list of cons: THERE IS NO PRIVACY. Seriously, even if you live on the dustiest celebrity-packed cobblestone street of Tribeca, you are around people the minute you leave your building. Unless you keep your shades drawn at all times, people will look in and watch you in your apartment. Even the toilet stalls in the bathrooms at the Boom Boom Room, the most exclusive (soon-to-be-private) club in the city, are easily viewable from a public park.

We're glad to have you here, don't get us wrong. The city will definitely be more fun with you around, in one way or another (or, preferably, three ways). But don't come crying to the press about your "privacy" in two months' time. You've been warned.

Tiger Woods Moves Into NYC Bachelor Pad Post-Divorce [Us]
Related: The Half-Hooker Economy [NYM]