Presumably because in China, vampire squid are something delicious that you eat on top of rice, Chinese author Li Delin compares Goldman Sachs to a different, more regionally appropriate dangerous animal in his best-selling new book, The Goldman Sachs Conspiracy, which accuses the firm of wanting to "kill China," among other predictable allegations. "Like a fox chewing a bone, Goldman Sachs knows the rules of the game and when to go for your neck," he says at one point, and because that image is not frightening enough,
With the "cruel character of a Manchurian tiger, the group creeps around the world, like a veteran hunter stalking its prey, when it smells blood it pounces!"
Goldman spokesman Lucas Van Praag notes with disappointment that the author neglected to compare the firm to the much-discussed and elusive toy hamster Zhu Zhu Pets, and assures Daily Intel the firm has "no plan to 'kill China' or to sue the author of this rather strange book." Which, frankly, opens up a thrilling world of possibilities.
What other forms might the mythical Goldman Sachs take as stories of its cruel mischief spread unfettered around the globe, like folk tales translated in different tongues? Perhaps in East Africa, it will be described as: "A mosquito that sucks out the lifeblood of the economy while simultaneously imparting disease." In South America, will they say: "Like the candiru, Goldman Sachs swims into the urethra of the markets and causes its victims to clutch their groins in great pain"? In France: "Like the fabled Beast of Gévaudan, it terrorizes the economy with its formidable teeth, all the while emitting an unbearable stench"? We can only hope.