Jonathan Safran Foer Has Never Particularly Liked Bankers

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Photo: Patrick McMullan

Name: Jonathan Safran Foer
Age: 33
Neighborhood: Park Slope
Occupation: Writer. On September 16 he'll be at NYU's Kimmel Center reading from his most recent book, Eating Animals, now available in paperback.

Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say Leonard Lopate. I don't know him personally, but to my mind, he's the voice of the city — especially when he's just listening.

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?
Blue Hill. Hands down. Dan Barber is not only a genius chef, he is a model farmer.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
Crawl in an arbitrary direction.

What was your first job in New York?
I held a few jobs simultaneously after I graduated: secretary for a public-relations firm, SAT tutor, and ghost writer for a prostate-health journal.

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?
A tourist.

Do you give money to panhandlers?
Only if they remind me of my father.

What's your drink?
Coffee in the morning. Stoli on the rocks at night. At least eight cups of water in between.

How often do you prepare your own meals?
Every night.

What's your favorite medication?
Antibiotics. I'm not very picky about what kind.

What's hanging above your sofa?
A painting by my friend Sam Messer.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
How much are people paying these days? I just Googled "most expensive haircut" and found that the Sultan of Brunei once spent $24,000 on a haircut. (This included the costs of flying the stylist 7,000 miles in a "private suite" — whatever that is — on Singapore Airlines.) $24,000 is clearly too much to spend on a haircut.

When's bedtime?
All depends. Never earlier than 8:30, never later than 3. Usually closer to 8:30 than 3. But it all depends.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
Is there really anyone, besides Rudy Giuliani, who prefers the new Times Square?

What do you think of Donald Trump?
I think he's a totally hilarious and vaguely inspiring piece of shit.

What do you hate most about living in New York?
All these new bike lanes are making it impossible to be a simple pedestrian. We need walking lanes.

Who is your mortal enemy?
Mr. Heart Disease.

When's the last time you drove a car?
A few days ago.

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
It hasn't, as far as I know. I've never particularly liked bankers.

Times, Post, or Daily News?
I subscribe to the Times, and have only read the Daily News a few times. I wouldn't wipe my ass with the Post, although I do occasionally read it on the subway.

Where do you go to be alone?
Bathroom.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
Always preferring the thing that is being replaced.